The Truth Will Set You Free

I’ve been asked, “how long have you been thinking about this?”

And my answer, “I was never thinking of it!! I’ve truly questioned in recent years if I even wanted to be a mom…” (but more on this in a future post)

I’ve also been asked, “why didn’t you consider adoption?”

My answer, “funny you ask that…adoption was never an option.”

While this is the biggest decision I’ve ever made, it was a unique one because ordinarily, I would be reaching out to friends and family for prayer as I deliberated over a big decision. I would ask for peace, wisdom, confirmation…but this time, no prayers were sought because I knew.

I had the peace and confirmation already in me. Wisdom went before me.

And what I knew was this is what I had been praying for but not so specifically.

Kicking off 2018 with my fortieth birthday was perfect and everything I prayed and hoped it would be. I asked God to celebrate it on foreign soil…and I did just that. 

Jaco, Costa Rica - the morning of my fortieth birthday

I started dreaming about what was to come while I was in Costa Rica…and I sensed big things were in store…I felt something was on the horizon that would require more of me than I’ve ever given or felt capable of giving.

And I told God, I wanted to say yes…no matter what it was. 

As the year progressed, real estate school came on my radar…and with my best friend by my side, I said yes and enrolled…we had so much fun being in school together while envisioning the possibilities of what the future held.

I successfully completed school and got my license. And I started to explore how I may be able to use it at my current workplace…but in the meantime, I ended up getting a promotion and stayed on the team I love, which I was thrilled about.

Interestingly, the week that I got the promotion began with a significant conversation with my best friend (different than the other best friend I’ve mentioned…and yes, I’m allowed to have more than one best friend). I went over to her house for wine and a much needed catch up on all the things of life as we knew it. And by the end of that conversation she said she had two things she needed to say to me…so she shared number one…and then she said number two…which was the last thing I would ever have expected her to say…

“You can be a Mom.”

And these words surfaced something so deep in me that all I could do was respond with tears…and then she kept talking…

“You don’t need a husband.”

Then something else I needed to hear…

“And you won’t be alone.”

So I cried more tears…and then she said,

“And you can have your own.”

And by this point, I was sobbing and disoriented. To the point of asking, “What are you saying?”

Because the truth is, it was like she was speaking a foreign language…because I had never considered such things so this was foreign to me…but I know that the deeper response of my heart was resonating with the truth she shared… the truth that set me free… from all the boxes I’ve placed God in and all the boxes I’ve placed myself and this life in.

That was Sunday, June 17, 2018…and by September 25, 2018…the test confirmed, I was going to be a Mom.